THE PEOPLE WHO WALK AWAY…
“People always come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime.” That line is the opening to a Poem written by Brian A. “Drew” Chalker.
Caregiving is a Season.
During the Caregiving Season, if one pays attention, you learn a lot about the people in your orbit.
Everyone reacts differently once you become a Caregiver.
Some people remove themselves from your Circle. Caregiving gives you the opportunity to see the people who stand by you.
And…
The people who walk away.
Caregiving is difficult. Not only for the Caregiver but for the people who know the Caregiver.
The Relatives who have their own opinion on your Caregiving are not always missed when they seemingly abandon the Caregiver. The Family members who have very strong and often incorrect opinions on every situation whom no longer check in is onw example. I don’t miss those people because their advice, observations and negative opinions are not welcomed in my world. Those who have made statements like, “You know, the Caregiver dies first.” A statement that is not helpful as I do my best to care for my Mother.
The Cousins and Friends who criticize your actions to the point when you literally have to tell them exactly and not so pleasantly how you feel become phone calls you no longer return.
The lifelong Friend or close Friend who doesn’t have a clue that being a Caregiver is an all-encompassing position that doesn’t allow for miscellaneous chats revolving around that friend is often a casualty of Caregiving. There is no time in Caregiving to chase Fair Weather Friends because like the weather, they change with the Seasons.
The Medical providers who pay little to no attention to your daily observations or concerns about the patient seriously should be amongst the first people to go. It may be frustrating, time consuming and seemingly impossible but there actually are medical professionals who listen and react to the Caregiver’s thoughts about the patient’s care.
During my time as my Mom’s Caregiver, she has a new Dentist and Eye Doctor. Now if I could only convince her to eliminate Dr. DooLittle (her PCP), I would have a championship Caregiving team. At the moment, he is sitting on the bench where he can do little to no harm. Afterall, “do no harm” is part of his oath as a doctor. For the Caregiver, the sole Reason for being for those providing medical care is to provide care.
The Siblings who are not actively involved in the Parent’s care appear invisible during the Caregiving season. They may not walk away but they don’t always come running when you need them.
The People who walk away do so for reasons of their own.
Guilt
Selfishness
I have found those two reasons are the major headings for all of their reasons.
The key is, there is absolutely nothing the Caregiver can do in an effort to keep such people as participants in their Caregiving World. And if you really think about it, they are people who are non-essential in the Caregiver’s World. They can actually be harmful to the Caregiver’s well-being.
You may miss such people for a moment, a time and maybe even forever; however, if the Caregiver remembers…
People come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime. The people who walk away, do so as a result of their own Selfishness or Guilt.
And as a Caregiver, the one thing that you don’t have is the time to figure out why people walk away. You simply must let them go.
Perhaps you will meet again in an alternate season.
The people who stand by you in the Caregiving Season are Lifetime treasures whose support is worth more than gold.
My Caregiver’s advice is:
Don’t try to catch the people who walk away.
Focus on those who remain and stay.
KELLY CLARKSON – “WALK AWAY”
https://youtu.be/nFCuyLwhUzM?si=ZVOZR7aXiOOrXuIQ
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE PODCAST – “SHOWING UP FOR THE CAREGIVER”
https://youtu.be/eUG3BHvFr0c?si=CFAU4nN8UIpUNfIW
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE – THE BLOG
The Poem written in 1995 provides insight for a Lifetime…
Reason, Season and a Lifetime
By: Brian A. “Drew” Chalker
People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason, you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.
LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life…..
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