THE NAMES I’VE BEEN CALLED
Since I’ve been a Caregiver, by name is not always how people, especially my Mother refer to me. Not by my given name.
Once when accompanying my Mom to have a mammogram, the receptionist asked my Mother if she needed my help.
My Mother very quickly replied, “Yes, she has to come in with me, she’s, my maid.”
The Receptionist looked at me and laughed while saying, “I’ve heard worse.”
“I am not her maid,” I interrupted to say, “I am her daughter.”
On another occasion, she referred to me as her Housekeeper.
Interestingly, my Mother refers to me in terms identifying my general Caregiving duties—things that I do in order to keep her life in order. I also am well aware that if she was compensating me in any manner, she would have fired me by now. As I am well aware that she would love to walk around the house with a white glove testing my cleaning abilities. No need, I will voluntarily resign.
Every once in a while, she tells people that I am her Caretaker.
The primary definition of Caretaker as defined by Miriam Webster is in fact… “One who gives or emotional or physical care and support.” While the more common definition is, “one that takes care of the house or land for an owner who may be absent.”
So, technically she is correct in calling me her Caretaker; however, I would prefer Caregiver.
What am I saying? I would prefer to be called by name and described as her Daughter!
Here in lies another reason the Caregiver may feel lost. As a Caregiver, you not only lose all sense of who you used to be but also how many people refer to you.
As a Caregiver, I do indeed fill the roles of Housekeeper, Maid, Nurse, and Caretaker (of her property); but those roles like most occupations are what I do, NOT who I am.
Who I am to her—my relationship role is Daughter.
She comes close to identifying me as her daughter when she says, “This is my kid.”
Aside from “kid” meaning a young goat, it also is synonym for Young Person. Calling me a kid diminishes my maturity, most of my abilities and does not describe a grown-up. I’m a grown-ass woman with no kids and no desire to treat my Mother as one—kid/child.
Although “Kid” is a lot closer to “Daughter” than “Caretaker.”
A Caregiver often feels lost because people, especially those for whom they are caring, don’t seem to see a person. People see a role that is being fulfilled. They see a Maid, a Housekeeper, a Nurse, a Secretary and even an Appointment or Activities Coordinator.
If I were asked to describe myself, I would not use any of those terms.
I would say that I am a…
Loyal Friend, Writer, Child of God, Daughter, Cousin, Sister, Good Neighbor and…
My Mom’s Caregiver.
Off the top of my head, those are the words I would use to describe myself and my various roles at this life’s moment.
And I would call myself…
By name. My Name.
SHIRLEY ELLIS – “THE NAME GAME”
https://youtu.be/Ez8fEJ86hGI?si=ZxRDDPINb2GjtWoJ
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE PODCAST – 2YEARS A CAREGIVER
https://youtu.be/RIKlbrxMMrM?si=jsyssYIc7fKG4tMd
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE – THE BLOG
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