MY MOM, AS THE CAREGIVER SEES HER
As my Mom’s Caregiver, I’ve learned a lot.
I’ve learned a lot about my Mother.
I’ve learned some things that I’ve always wondered.
I’ve learned some things that I’ve kind of thought I knew.
And I’ve learned some things that I wish I now didn’t know.
Upon becoming a young adult, I recognized that although she is my Mother she is a person. A human being with all that comes with being human.
Since I was a young girl, she was someone I looked up to—admired, respected and in many ways wanted to emulate. Also, until I graduated from High School, she was taller than me and she told me so!
The qualities that I admired in her then, I see in myself now.
But those were things that I’ve always known about my Mother. I knew her as my Mother and saw the woman whom she wanted me to see. It’s complicated but just give the thought a minute to sink into your mind.
Now, as her Caregiver, I have gotten to know the woman behind “Mommy.”
Because as her Caregiver, she is not just simply “Mommy.”
She is a demanding, needy, un-thankful, mean, spoiled, entitled little (I’m taller than her now) lady. And her Pride knows no bounds.
I am not going to take this time to tell you all that I’ve learned about my Mother as her Caregiver. Not only is it none of your concern, it’s also not the point of the story.
As a Caregiver for a Parent, your relationship tasks on aspects that are not common or typical in the Child-Parent relationship. And if you are a Caregiver with no children, it is even more difficult to understand those changes. As such a Caregiver, it is difficult to flip the relationship dynamic to Parent-Child with you—the Child acting as the Parent. For me, difficult has been close to impossible. I think that if you are a Caregiver without a child, but who has had a Pet, it might be a little easier. No, I did not just compare my Mom to a puppy. Or perhaps, I did.
Most of her waking hours, my Mother is herself, the woman she believes she is. Due to her age, her compromised health, her need for a Caregiver, she is in no manner the person she sees in the mirror. At those times, she treats me like a scullery maid in her service. She meets the definition of “entitled,” and she acts accordingly.
Throughout the day she becomes my Mother demanding obedience and respect as she pushes ALL of my buttons. She knows exactly how to “get my goat,” and she does so at every opportunity.
I’ve learned a lot about her through her words and actions toward her Caregiver, aka her only Daughter. Even though she treats us differently—Me, her Caregiver and Me, her Daughter, she hurts us both just the same.
I’ve learned a lot about my Mother as her Caregiver.
EARTH, WIND & FIRE – “MOM”
https://youtu.be/5DBFinaqrzo?si=Ki8Pkt9QRZhFPAVa
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE PODCAST – “SANDWICH CAREGIVER, NOT ME”
https://youtu.be/RKPMsQYXXHY?si=PbK167L_SrilXe6C
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE – THE BLOG
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