CAREGIVER…TOO SOON or JUST IN TIME
I’ve been my Mother’s Caregiver for a long time.
Too long for me to comprehend.
And much too long for me to calculate and acknowledge the time that has passed.
That has made me think, did I become a Caregiver too soon?
Before I became my Mother’s Caregiver…
She routinely locked herself out of the house.
She became distracted while cooking and burnt several pots and pans.
She shopped for food regularly but over half of her purchases went to waste—fruits, vegetables and seafood—regularly.
She did not take her medication consistently. Not because she didn’t want to but because she forgot several days a week.
Before I became my Mother’s Caregiver…
I ordered the Depends online and had them delivered directly to her.
I handled the majority of her finances remotely; however, she had physical possession of all bank cards.
Before I became my Mom’s Caregiver, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And I thought that ordering the Depends and administering the online billing was all that was needed.
And then I came to visit.
During the visit, I found out about the near fires almost caused by unattended pots on the stove. I realized that a great deal of the food in the refrigerator had spoilt. And then I happened upon a collection of medication in a drawer. It was clear that my Mother needed additional assistance.
After consulting with my Brother, we determined that she could not live alone. We were just beginning to devise next steps when she had a stroke.
Any plans in the making had to be drastically changed. This happened during the Pandemic—fortunately or unfortunately. Fortunate that my Brother and I were both in town and literally got stuck here as both LA and NY were on lockdown. Unfortunately, this State had the highest per capita deaths amongst the elderly and both Nursing Homes and Assisted Living facilities were not open to new residents.
At any rate, my Mother expressed a desire to remain in her home, and my presence would allow that to happen. It was very clear that my Mother could not live alone.
My Mother was unable to complete many of the tasks required for daily living. And at that time there was a severe shortage in Home Health Care professionals.
Enter stage right—ME as Caregiver.
Looking back, I wonder if I made my appearance on the Caregiver Stage too soon.
Looking back, I realize that if my Brother and I were not in town when she had a stroke, she may not have survived.
And with the lack of consistency in taking her medication, another stroke was inevitable.
When I look into other people’s situations with their parents, I wonder if I became a Caregiver too soon.
Since I became my Mother’s Caregiver…
She takes her medication regularly and her diet has changed severely; thus, limiting the possibility of another stroke.
I assist her with most of her daily living needs.
I administer her finances and accompany her to medical appointments.
I handle the basic administration of her life. One would be amazed at the paperwork, phone calls, online activities for a Senior’s life. It is intense.
Due to her advanced age, compromised health, and decreases in cognitive skills, my Mother cannot do these things for herself. And she was having a problem doing these things before the stroke.
When people encounter my Mother, they always comment on how well she looks and how healthy she seems.
And when asked, “How’s your mother?”
I am confident in saying, “My Mother is fine…she is well taken care of.”
However, my Mother often says, “I can do it,” when I am well aware that she can’t.
And every time she proclaims that she doesn’t need me and can live alone, I feel as if she is stabbing a knife in my back.
And sometimes, I wonder, “Did I become her Caregiver too soon?”
No, I don’t think so. It is clear to me that if I hadn’t done so, she wouldn’t be here today.
And so perhaps, I became her Caregiver just in time.
My Caregiver’s Conscience is confident in that fact.
FRANK SINATRA – “JUST IN TIME”
https://youtu.be/ZCNRbeMzDXo?si=pcyPGR3YE6X7m59J
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE PODCAST – “THE CAREGIVING CHOICE”
https://youtu.be/-E3PBVK1IQE?si=j2V_pESkK1YmbZsI
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE – THE BLOG
Yes Cuz you became her caregiver when you were supposed to, in the right time. Remember God makes no mistakes.
❤️❤️❤️
I needed to hear and be reminded of that!
I’m in my 5th year of caregiving. I’m exhausted.
Me too and Me too! You did the calculations for me– in the 5th, let’s call it Season, and EXHAUSTED doesn’t seem to begin to describe the feeling of tiredness, and weariness of a Caregiver.
But I’m willing to bet that you too became a Caregiver “just in time!”