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CAREGIVING TO KEEP HER AT HOME

January 21, 2026

“WE WERE ABLE TO KEEP HER AT HOME…”

I’ve heard that phrase a lot recently. A phrase with which I was previously very unfamiliar. But now, as a Caregiver, I am well aware of the meaning, the feelings, the emotions, the guilt, the hesitancy, and the gratitude behind those words.

The essence of the less than 10-word sentence, is actually difficult to put into words.

“I am able to keep my Mother safe and healthy at home.” Right now. Right now, in this moment in time, I am able to keep her at home.

Although physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, I am able to keep her at home. Technically, I am handling Caregiving the best that I can. And I am currently convinced that I am providing better care than she would receive in a facility.

I have read and spoken to people regarding their personal accounts of how, when and why they decide to place their loved one in “a home.” And I’ve heard stories and comments that make me want to cringe.

When I first began this Caregiving journey, one of my Mom’s friends respectfully begged me not to allow my Mother to be placed in a specific facility. It was a facility which provided both Assisted Living and Skilled Nursing. As mentioned, it was the very start of my Caregiving career, and I saw no need for such accommodation at that time. Within 12 months, that facility was forced (by the State) to close and all patients and most residents were relocated. I was happy that we had decided to keep our Mother at home albeit completely under my care.

The people in this state over the age of 70 represent approximately 20% of the entire population. For a small New England state, it houses more than its fair share of Assisted Living, Skilled Nursing, Memory Care, and Homes for the Elderly. The reviews for some of these places are scathing, the stories horrific and visualizing the patients is heartbreaking.

And so, despite all that I know and most of what I don’t know, I am able to keep my Mother at home.

My Mom is currently on the list for Assisted Living at a Facility that ranks Best in Class in this area. Even so, I have been told…

Either you or your Brother should live in the area in order to do regular unscheduled visits
You should hire someone (who does not work for the Facility) who can check in on your Mom at least 4 times/week
It is a beautiful community but everyone on the staff is not sensitive to the needs of the patients
They never live long after they’ve been put in “a home”

I have chosen a place where I believe my Mother will be well taken care of and not by me. I am only settled in this area for the time that I am a Caregiver for my Mom. The minute my Mom is moved in and comfortable, I plan to return home. My home is 3,754 miles away. Making regular unscheduled visits will not be an option.

Hiring an additional person in my mind defeats the purpose of Assisted Living in addition to being a financial drain. And making me feel guilty saying, “I don’t know how long she’ll live once she’s placed,” is not only unhelpful–it borders on being cruel. I have chosen a facility where I think my Mother will thrive.

At this point, I have chosen a place and my Mom’s name is on the list. Now it’s about timing, the financial implications, waiting and patience.

In the meantime, I am a Caregiver in order to keep my Mother at home—in her home.

The question is, “for how long?”