POSTS

THE FAN CLUB versus FRIENDS

June 11, 2025

THE FAN CLUB

A Friend is someone who knows you well and loves you just the same. I read that somewhere years ago, and that sentiment has always stuck with me. Stuck with me—like a Friend.

A Fanatic is the proper word for Fan. Fans show obsessive interest in and enthusiasm for something or someone. And Fans are no longer Fans when the Team isn’t winning, the Record Sales decrease, the TV show gets cancelled, or the Friend is sick and in need.

My Mother has a Fan Club. She was a force in the Arts Industry, a face in the Community and a woman admired by people who didn’t even know her. There are many individuals with Fans who have accomplished a lot less.

The thing about Fans is that they see the person that they want to see, the person that they want to be, the person that they want to be seen with, the person they want to be friends with; BUT they don’t really see the person themselves. Because they are NOT friends—the people who know you well and love you just the same.

My Mother has Fans but being here as her Caregiver, I see, she doesn’t have as many Friends as she calls friends.

A couple of the Fans telephone her regularly. One actually calls every other day. But she hasn’t seen these people in years. I have even spoken to these individuals. They sound caring and compassionate over the phone. They never visit or set up times to go out with her. Personally, I don’t think that they want to see my Mother in her current condition. Hence, they do not know her well because they don’t know her now. And their enthusiasm and feelings are for the woman she used to be.

Those people aren’t even true Fans. They could never live in Chicago, Philadelphia, Cleveland, or Detroit for reasons only a sports fan could understand.

Then there are the Fans who take her out to eat & drink every other month or so. One of these women actually said to me, “Better to ask permission later,” as she brought my Mom home after having too much to drink. These people refuse to see my Mother as the person she is today—someone who should not mix drinks with her medication. They only see the person they admire from the past.

I know that my Mom loves hanging out with these people, but they do not have her best interest at heart. And because of that, they don’t see her very often. Which is good, because these fans are actually a hazard to her health. I must mention that almost every single time that my Mom has been in their company she has fallen. Once, she sprained her Achilles heel, another time she suffered a hairline fracture and other times she bounced and sustained no injuries. The Surgeon General might agree that smoking cigarettes would be less hazardous to one’s health.

My opinion of these people is not solely based on their actions but also on their in-actions. My Mom’s fans enjoyed her celebrity but are also big fish in this small pond. As such, I have had the occasion to call and ask for their assistance with my Mother.

Ok, so I have only called each of them once. I called and they did not rise to the occasion to help. In a couple of cases, they didn’t even return my call. Fair weather Fans. This small town is not home to any Sports Teams; therefore, they know not of supporting a Team (or a Friend) through the losing seasons.

At one point, I called my Mother’s “Best Friend” in tears asking for her help. She was busy and asked if she could call me back. If I was holding my breath while crying waiting for her call, I would have died over a year ago. I have not called again. And this friend has the nerve now to call me to voice her opinions. OTHER PEOPLES CAREGIVING OPINIONS

My Mother does have one true Friend who resides here. He is someone whom she has been able to call on for years. He has been her Friend through thick and thin. He makes himself available whenever she needs him. He also provides me with support. He was his Mother’s active Caregiver until she departed this world at 101 years old. He is a Caregiver of the past who understands my plight as a Caregiver today. If I need his help or assistance, he typically comes through. He is not only my Mom’s friend—he is a Family Friend. Most importantly, he knows my Mom well and loves her just the same.

My Mother’s Fan Club consists of Actors, Community Leaders, Lawyers, Artists, Business Executives, Theatre Groupies, Former Town Mayors and an assortment of Townspeople. They all know her but none of them know her well. How could they? They are not Friends. They are Fans.

As my Mother’s Caregiver, I see that she no longer has a need for the Fan Club but she could use better Friends.