MAD AT MYSELF
As a Caregiver, there are many times when I am angry. Sometimes, I am angry with my Mom. Most times I am angry with the situation at hand. But a lot of times, I am angry with myself.
Mad at Me.
I am mad at myself when…
I snap at my Mother for seemingly no reason. Although I am well aware of the reason, I wish I could keep my temper.
I do things that make things harder for myself.
I get mad at myself…
When I lack confidence in my abilities.
When I cry uncontrollably.
When I look at myself in the mirror, knowing that I should take better care of the person looking back at me.
I make myself angry when…
I make plans knowing deep inside that chances are I won’t be able to keep them.
I cook and eat things that I would rather not in an effort to please my Mother. And now would not be the time to suggest that I prepare a separate meal for myself. Please think about the hardship, inconvenience and additional work that would generate before saying that aloud.
I am angry…
When I recognize behaviors that are truly not my style. For instance, I am generally calm under extraordinary circumstances; however, the circumstance of Caregiving keeps me losing my cool.
When I’m feeling down and depressed. In the past, I didn’t entertain, host or attend pity-parties.
When I find myself crying for no apparent reason. I remember when I only cried at Basketball games or critical losses in all Sports for the Michigan Wolverines.
I get mad at myself when…
I find myself complaining. And then repeating those complaints over and over again.
I attempt to change the things that I cannot change because I am unable to see the wisdom in acceptance.
I seemingly miss or don’t accomplish all the Caregiving tasks that need to be done.
However…
These things happen hourly, daily or simply a lot and so, I must find a way not to be so hard on me.
I must remind myself that I am doing my best.
I have to remember that my Mother is fine—she is well taken care of.
I can be angry with my Mother, and I can be resentful of the situation but as for myself…
Being mad at me—is simply not an option.
BILLIE EILISH – “WHAT WAS I MADE FOR”
https://youtu.be/cW8VLC9nnTo?si=50y8hwFWMVFy_XaZ
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE PODCAST – “THE ANGRY CAREGIVER”
https://youtu.be/KNpqcSnCovA?si=XnqAvRhvjOxUdbMn
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE – THE BLOG
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