BURNT OUT
I have been making Caregiving mistakes. No, not with my Mom’s care but with little things associated with that care.
While taking advantage of a “Buy-one-Get-One” offer, I mistakenly order my Mom’s shampoo instead of conditioner. Fortunately, one was out of stock, so when I corrected my mistake, I ended up with two conditioners and one shampoo. That will work.
I haven’t been motivated to do what it takes to order groceries, and while she has bananas, yogurt, snacks and her water, there are no gourmet frozen entrees. We have already had Pizza and Chinese food delivered this week and so that lack of motivation has the potential to force me to prepare 3 Meals a Day. I am angry with myself.
Ok, so there was an experimental frozen dinner left. And I say experimental because it was a brand that I don’t normally purchase but it was a meal that she enjoys, and the picture looked good. LOL.
I spent a portion of my Career in Marketing & Advertising for McDonalds, KFC, Taco Bell and SUBWAY—trust me—the picture always looks good.
My Career…I digress…
How could I possibly neglect to keep the gourmet frozen meals in stock—they help me! Otherwise, I suffer the nightmare of 3-Meals a Day EVERYDAY!
I ordered paper towel when I meant to order toilet paper. Toilet paper and paper towel are both a necessity but in light of Depends, FLUSHABLE WIPES? and clogged toilets, toilet paper wins.
I’m slipping.
At least I have an abundance of paper towels for the unlimited spills.
I usually loosen the caps on my Mother’s bottled water in order to make it easier for her and for me. Today she asked me to unloosen a cap because I had apparently skipped a bottle or two and she was unable to open the water.
I’m not sure how that happened. Once again, that is a Caregiving duty that is designed to make things easier. And for some reason, I didn’t even do that for myself.
When my Mother asked me for the scissors, I immediately went into Caregiver survival mode.
“Scissors,” I asked. “What do you need the scissors for?”
Holding the scissors in a manner which I can only describe as dangerous, she said, “I need some Kleenex, and the boxes are stuck together.”
I had purchased a 3-pack of Kleenex and unfortunately, I neglected to unwrap the pack leaving them in individual boxes for my Mom.
I am forgetting things, skipping others and have simply stopped doing the little things. The little things that have become 2nd nature in my Caregiving world. The little things that make my Mom’s life easier and mine just a tad more manageable.
The administrative part of my Caregiver duties seems to have been running smoothly.
Until now.
When I discussed my mishaps with my Brother, he was not surprised. He simply said, “You are burnt out!”
Burnt out.
I’m pretty sure that there is an accepted definition of Caregiver Burnout. And this is the point in the Story where I would insert that definition. Not this time.
The Oxford definition of “burnt out” (of a person) is the state of physical or mental collapse caused by overwork and stress.
I think that I have provided the definition of Caregiver Burnout by example.
I even screwed up the timing with my Mother’s doctor’s appointment and the bloodwork needed for the appointment. The appointment went well, and the test results were good so…
But in my Caregiver’s mind, I did something wrong.
And the fact is that the majority of the things that weren’t handled as usual were things that would have helped me. Things that would have made it easier for me.
I have even run out of wine, one of my favorite coping mechanisms. COPING AS A CAREGIVER
I forgot to pick up the mail and almost missed a deadline on returning a form regarding a device needed for my Mother’s care.
The mail is usually full of my Hollywood Reporter Magazines and sometimes they just make me homesick. Although most times, they connect me with what I think of as my real life. And so, I didn’t forget, I purposely did not pick up the mail albeit subconsciously.
Bad Caregiver.
That’s what I think to myself.
And then I think, but I’m so tired.
At the same time, I think I can’t do this anymore.
And then…
Sometimes, like today, I click on my playlist, and I sing at the top of my lungs.
And I know that my Mother is fine, she is well taken care of.
The thing about this type of Burnout is that I can’t fix it by simply not being a Caregiver.
Because that’s not an option.
So, I will sing along with JOURNEY, “I’m just a small-town girl living in a Caregiver world. I’ll take the midnight train going ANYWHERE!”
And I won’t stop believing! I am doing my BEST as a Caregiver.
MIDLAND – “BURN OUT”
https://youtu.be/YBCrkFB8nvc?si=epdCKeXfMhP20Kbq
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE PODCAST – “DOING MY BEST CAREGIVING”
https://youtu.be/ar1XjOYeKb4?si=pdIn8tYKd4USOwpS
You are not alone! Caregiving is so tiring you can’t help but have mishaps. It happens to me also.
Is it possible your brother can take your mom for a week or two so you can get a break?
ANYTHING is possible. And I would be grateful for a day or two!