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THE CAREGIVER CRASHES

May 28, 2025May 28, 2025

WHEN THE CAREGIVER CRASHES

I used to have a job where my office was in Chicago. That is significant because I lived in Los Angeles. Every Monday morning, I would get on an airplane that took me to the Monday Morning Staff meeting in Chicago. And every Friday, at some point during the day or evening, I hopped on a flight that took me back home to LA.

And on Saturday, I crashed!

I left the week of meetings, travels, and corporate mayhem behind to sleep in my own bed. And I enjoyed “crashing” in my own home, in my own bed. I had a day of relaxing at the beach, strolling through the Farmer’s Market, lunch and dinner with a friend or hours of TCM/Lifetime Movies to look forward to. Or perhaps a day of doing absolutely nothing looming on the horizon.

What are you going to do today?

Crash. Chill. Take it Easy. Those were my plans for the day. The good old days! The days before Caregiving!

Those days when I could just “Crash.”

Now when I crash, it’s a totally different experience. When the Caregiver crashes, it’s different.

About every seven weeks or so, I’ve noticed a pattern, there is a day—typically a Saturday when I can’t get up. I have absolutely no energy, sometimes a headache or sometimes a pain in my stomach that I attribute to nerves. Whatever the reason, my body simply refuses to jump out of bed and attend to my Mom.

But the thing is, I can’t just lie in bed and chill. I have Caregiving responsibilities which must be completed no matter how I feel physically. And so, I struggle to administer medication, deal with dishes, Depends, trash, prepare something for my Mother to eat and ensure that she has everything that she needs at that moment.

I usually do so while letting her know that I don’t feel well and will be attempting to take it easy on this day. That never happens.

My Body, Mind and Soul simply wants to “Crash.”

And since I’ve been a Caregiver, I am not allowed to “crash,” therefore, my body does it for me.

I simply arrive at a point where I can no longer think about Caregiver responsibilities. A point when I am physically unable to do all the things that my Mom needs. I don’t feel like walking down to Whole Foods to get bananas for my Mom. I don’t want to talk about any of the topics which interest my Mother. I don’t want to make phone calls to Health Care professionals to set up appointments or follow-up on past visits. I don’t want to do anything at all–especially anything that has to do with Caregiving for my Mother. I reach a point where all I want to do is crash; therefore, my body and mind simply say “STOP!”

And so, I stop.

But then I feel guilty. Because I can’t stop the guilty thoughts from crashing through my mind.

Sometimes, I’m just so tired that I do go back to sleep. I have reached the point when I can’t help but “crash.”

And since it happens ever so rarely, my Mother’s world keeps turning and her Care needs are met so she doesn’t even realize that I have involuntarily crashed.

I miss the days when “crashing” was a weekend activity. It was a planned event. Something that I could look forward to.

The thing about crashing is that it is a time to revitalize your mind, energize your soul and relax your body. All things that are necessary to make it through most days.

With my previous demanding life, one weekend day to “crash” was enough to allow me to keep up with the daily activities of my life. As a Caregiver, I don’t get that weekend day. I don’t get any days.

Except for those days when the Caregiver crashes.

And the day that my body and mind force me to “crash” every once in a blue moon is simply not enough.

It also, is not the least bit relaxing, restful, rejuvenating or energizing.

When the Caregiver Crashes…

It’s a sign.